Having one of those halfway epiphany things and wanted to blab it to the world, of course. Isn’t that YOUR first instinct? So I’m hanging out at home after work, taking a bath and reading the People “Half Their Size” issue in the bathtub while I sip a glass of wine. Yes, some women really do that. Except instead of bubbles there’s just Duncan checking every 5 minutes to make sure the strange water thing didn’t swallow me up. But I digress. So I’m reading this magazine about incredible people who have lost 120+ pounds. And instead of feeling proud of them, I start checking their weight and height. And then feeling discouraged because they’re all “better than me”. Seriously? Is that what the editors wanted me to get out of the article? Sadly, maybe. Seeing as there were so many ads for Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, and Weight Watchers in there I lost count, it’s possible. But screw that. I worked out for 2 hours today. I came home exhausted, and probably crammed more calories in my face-hole than I absolutely needed to live on. These are choices I continue to make when push comes to shove, and then I beat myself up about them. I get that it’s human nature to want to be the best, to want to strive for perfection. But what is perfection? Because tonight, it was the steak Jeff made for me. It was also a perfect plank in yoga, some bitchin kettlebell swings, and the glass of Pinot Grigio I’m sipping right now. I’m balanced. I’m healthy. Some would already say I work out too much, but I’m not SKINNY. I always thought I wanted to be skinny, but I guess when push comes to shove I don’t have the drive for one smaller dress size. Because I’m healthy. I eat what I want, and I work out, and that seems to equate to a decent fitness level, a decent appetite, and a healthy ol’ butt. And I’m happy with all 3.
Now, I can’t say I’m not going to forget this a bunch more times in the future. I’ll compare myself again, feel bad about it, work out, and then eat like a trucker. Because that’s what I do. But if I can slowly, incrementally remove the comparisons from my brain, to say that would be a good thing would be putting it mildly.