What I Ate Wednesday-Guest Post!

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I’m going to link up today to WIAW-with a twist! We woke up this morning to a mess of shredded saran wrap and one missing homemade baguette. Jeff was crushed, he had some pretty tasty plans for that bread today. The reality is that our dogs are decidedly more snuggly and apt to sleep on the bed in winter than in summer, and as a result I’m literally crushed under the weight of their love for…our heated blanket. I could NOT get room to stretch out my legs last night, and considering I taught 30 minutes of spinning and 90 of strength training yesterday, I could feel my legs throbbing and soreness setting in, so around 4:00 AM I sent the dogs out and shut the door. Blissful, sweet leg room! Apparently, the cost in our house for such delicious space is one crusty loaf of bread. Anyway, thinking of Foster out in the living room with a baguette between his paws made me giggle, and then took me back to his puppy days. You see…Foster’s a big of a pig. Don’t let this face fool you, there’s been a “push all the food back from the edge of the counter” rule in my house since the day I got him.That dog is TRICKY. 

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So this morning, after the sting of baguette loss wore off, I realized MY food didn’t have many pictures and wasn’t that varied, so we’re going to have a guest poster today. Foster, our pleasantly plump pup, has ate quite a great deal more than his share of people food over his lifetime. I thought we’d let him chime in with some of the best meals of his life. 

The first thing I remember eating is some delicious dark stuff all wrapped up in plastic. This was when I was about 6 months old, and kids kept ringing our doorbell in funny outfits. It was so much fun tearing through the wrapper to get to that tasty sweet stuff! I got through about 6 packages before Mom saw what was happening and stopped me. She let me outside to go potty, and I discovered all that sweet stuff made me run REALLY fast! She couldn’t catch me and it was fun to have her chase me around the yard. She said something about “late for work” when she finally caught me, but by then I was feeling pretty sleepy and worn out, so I just took a nap. 

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Mom’s note: I was SO freaked out that he ate chocolate, but thankfully aside from super speed there were no side effects.

Then there was this one time, Mom was making Deviled Eggs for a party. She realized she didn’t have any mustard, so she was going to “run quick” to the store to get some. Not quick enough! I could only get the first half dozen, because I couldn’t reach that far back on the counter, but boy were those eggs good! Mom kept complaining that night about “stinky farts”, whatever those are. My tummy was sure rumbly that night, but how else would I learn if I liked them or not?

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Who could get mad at that face?

My FAVORITE time was when Mom baked cookies. She put them on a rack to cool and then went to go vacuum the floors with that loud scary thing. Since the loud scary thing never went into the kitchen, I went to hide in there and realized I was tall enough to see cookies! They smelled so good; how could I not try them? I ate about 9 of them before Mom could finish vacuuming, and boy was she mad! They were totally worth it though; she never stays mad at me for long.

OK, Foster, that’s about enough out of you! But seriously-that dog. Not including his favorite things list, we also need to add:

  1. Numerous pairs of flip flops (mmm, feet smell. WTH, Foster?)
  2. Several books, both library and private collection
  3. Half a loaf of banana bread
  4. A pan of chicken fried rice (like Baxter in Anchorman, I wasn’t even mad, just impressed-he made no noise and no mess getting that off the stove!)
  5. The edge of a coffee table
  6. Poop. Rabbit poop, dog poop, whatever, the more frozen the better.
  7. Apples, bananas, any leftovers in a bowl he may occasionally be offered, and popcorn (OK, these are actually all things I will offer from time to time…I’m a sucker!)
  8. Baguette, garlic bread, all things carbo-licious.
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Hi, my name is Foster and I’m full of shame.

 

My FAVORITE story ever about Foster stealing food though has to be the pizza experience. My ex was a HUGE online gamer. Like, couldn’t be bothered to get up and procure his own dinner. So one night, we ordered pizza and I hung out in the office with him while he slayed whatever nerdy dragons needed slayed. We sat the pizza box on an ottoman in between us so he didn’t have to move. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Foster walk up to the box of pizza. I turn around and he’s just grabbed a slice and is walking away, NBD. I yell “FOSTER” and he just slo-mo drops it out of his mouth, all “bleh”, and then slinks off and hides under the desk. Um, no, buddy, this isn’t a free-for-all, although I can totally see how he’d think that. I’ll also add that it really cracked me up the night Foster chewed through the ethernet cord mid-game. Hehe, karma. 

OK, pet owners, now is the time! Please tell me I’m not the only one living the dog-shaming life! What has your pet gotten into that they shouldn’t have? Do they have a favorite human food? Do you have a sad beggar on your hands like I do? 

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12 thoughts on “What I Ate Wednesday-Guest Post!

  1. LOL too freaking cute! My dog has eaten an entire bag of bagels from Costco, an entire bunch of bananas, and a lot of cooking oil. One Thanksgiving my dad fried the turkey and left the oil to cool. He forgot about it and a few days later when we let my dog in, she was covered in oil. She def ate a bunch because she looked like she had a tummy ache.

  2. Laura, you KNOW our favorite “my pet ate ___” story! The one where Cooper the black lab ate a bacon-grease-soaked paper towel out of our trash can, and we had no idea she’d done it until….ahem….it made its way through her system and had to come out the old fashioned way. It was like her butthole was a kleenex dispenser. That whole paper towel came out unscathed. She’d wolfed it down whole.

  3. We have Norfolk Terriers, which are about twice the size of Yorkies and are sturdy and adventurous. Before we moved to NY we had remodeled the kitchen and had the counter flow into an earing area about 6 inches lower. We kept the dogs in the kitchen when we went out, and they would generally lay in their beds. One day in December we went out and left an entire huge platter of cookies for a Christmas cookie swap on the counter, with chocolate, etc.

    Near as we can tell, the little one found a way to get up on the chair and then to the table then to the counter, and wrestled with the plastic wrap … because when we came home the platter was on the floor, the plastic wrap was on the table, and our older dog was *sick*. That was quite the week at the vet, fortunately she was OK and is still around 6 years later!

    That week we also started putting them in the travel crate when we went out, now they know to head to it when we put on our jackets and grab the bisquits!

  4. Ha! Our dogs aren’t allowed in the kitchen or near us when we eat, so food stealing has been minimal. However, with toddlers walking around carrying food at the same height of the dogs’ heads, sometimes the kiddos get mugged.

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