Yes, I titled this blog so I could say doodoo. But all poop jokes aside (I save those for my husband), I’ve got a fairly serious blog post percolating in my mind tonight. Whether you call me friend, family, or have simply seen me string 10 words into a run-on sentence, you know that I tend to have some pretty lofty expectations for myself. I feel like there’s always something I “should” be doing-cleaning house, weeding the yard, exercising for the third time in a single day. I feel “guilty” sitting on the couch and relaxing. It seems like instead of perusing the same 10-15 websites I always visit, I should be curing cancer, working a second job, or creating world peace. Free time used to render me in almost a panic-I literally could not sit still. I’d eat dinner, sit around for 5 minutes, and then find a way to be productive again until I fell into bed completely exhausted. I’m a little bit “better” these days, but I still have a hard time being in the moment and not thinking of what I “should” be doing. Lets face it-I probably would never be the housewife scrubbing floors with clockwork regularity, the person on the block with the immaculately manicured yard, or the avid weekly participant of a book club. So why can’t I accept that and stop shaming myself for taking a mental break in the evenings?
How do others reconcile down time? I know I have a hard time accepting that it’s OK to chill out and read a book, watch some TV, or otherwise relax. Hell, my favorite activity at home is taking a bath-and I have a feeling it’s both because that’s multitasking (relaxing AND cleanlliness!) and because I’m literally trapped in hot water and don’t get distracted into cleaning that dust bunny, doing dishes, or whatever but can focus on the book I can’t seem to let myself read on the couch, but am perfectly cool with reading in the tub. And honestly-it’s gotten harder since my surgery in November. It’s like since I don’t and won’t have the distraction of kids, I feel obligated to be productive with my free time and “should be” pursuing some higher learning or something noble. What that really is? I have no idea. I usually just end up feeling mildly self loathing while watching Orange Is the New Black on Netflix-even though I know it’s not “bad”.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. But for now, I’ll go back to watching an interchangeable episode of House Hunters on HGTV and spotting 10 things I’d love to do to my home but will probably never get the gumption to actually attempt.